2012 vent.Ignore this if you like.

This year has not been kind to me. I found out that my so called best friend of mine was talking about me behind my back when she told me she would never ever do that to me.  I worked with her and another woman I thought was a friend of mine and I guess I was the topic of their conversations when my friend wasn’t pleased with me. She always told me to be the first to tell her how I feel when I disagreed with something or when she was making a fool of herself, but that only led her to complain about me to others through text messaging and even while she was at my house. Yes, she complained about me on text while she was with me and I saw it. We got into this huge argument over it because if she had a problem with me, should she had told me to my face which is where she was while talking about me on text messaging instead of pretending everything was okay? I trusted her, me and her where friends for years. One day while we was working together I had this gut feeling that she had talked about me to our boss which I thought was a friend to me as well, so I asked her about it and told her how I felt and she told me that she would never do that and that it hurt her to think I would feel that way and that she never wants me to feel like she would do such a thing to me. I have always trusted her up until the last few times we hung out, she just acted differently toward me and I believe she was indeed talking about me to our boss and it was our boss that I saw she was texting to when she was complaining about me behind my back and I waited for a while to see if she would mention it to me before I confronted her, but she went on as if nothing happened and acted happy. I have definitely learned my lesson when it comes to trusting others, it’s a shame that there isn’t but less than a handful of people you can trust even if you find yourself trusting no one then it’s pretty much normal, I think anyways considering my experience with friendships and relationships. 

Not long after all of that happened between me and my ex best friend,  I find out that a dear family friend of ours was diagnosed with cancer.  According to everyone she has the most aggressive form of cancer and this is one of the very few friends I can really trust. She has been there for me countless times, and we have been there for her countless times. We have had our shares of disagreements, but she has never failed to tell us and work out problems. She is the type of woman anyone that come to know her would love her. She is truly one of a kind. I hate that she is going through this, she doesn’t deserve to be going through this not that anyone does. Most people would say that people are the greatest thing known to man when their sick or dead, but I am not one to sugarcoat anything when it comes to peoples characters. I always said that when I die that I want people to share their honest memories with me and don’t make me out to be a saint when I know I haven’t been no saint before. I want people to remember me for who I truly am when I am gone instead of leaving those that didn’t know me with some fake perfect idea of who I was. I can say in my heart that the friend I have that is sick is a wonderful person that has went out of her way to help those in need. She is the type of woman that isn’t concerned about herself, but instead worries about others. When she found out she was sick she was worried about everyone else instead of herself. She is one of the most selfless person I have ever met in my entire life. I come from a family that cares nothing for me and wouldn’t help me if I needed them, I have been there to know this to be true. I consider this woman family to me and it breaks my heart to see her suffer. I pray for a miracle and a cure for her and I will continue to pray for her every night before I lay down to sleep.

After finding out about my dear friend having cancer. I have been suffering from migraines, vertigo to the point that my boyfriend could hear my ears ringing and these blind attacks where I will go blind for seconds and then regain my vision. When I wasn’t going completely blind, I was having blind spots through out the day. It got to the point that I was losing my vision every 5 minutes, it just kept getting worse so I started seeking medical help to find out what was going on with me cause I got tired of all my symptoms. After many doctor appointments with heart doctors and others, I was finally referred to a neurologist who decided to order a MRI test on my brain. I will never forget the night that we got the results back, I was laying in bed because I have also been extremely fatigued lately which I thought was probably from depression due to so many things going wrong at the moment. My mom comes to my bedroom door and she is crying and I thought well something’s wrong and then I see my boyfriend come and stand behind her looking concerned and that’s when I knew that it had something to do with my test results because my boyfriend’s job is very high demanding and I knew it wasn’t good for him to be home standing behind her. She told me that my MRI test came back and it is not good and my next doctors appointment wasn’t until way later so she decided to act fact by taking me to an emergency room two hours away. The doctor there told me that it looks as if I have a cyst on the center of my brain where the pineal glad is and it is putting pressure on my optic nerve, but told me not to worry just follow up with a neurosurgeon and go on from there. He didn’t mention the two other things wrong with me that showed up on the test, but I won’t go into detail because I am too tired at the moment, but I will say this. It appears to be a pineal cyst on the center of my brain which usually a pineal cyst usually produces no symptoms and doctors usually do nothing about it, however, I have a mass effect on the tectal plate which means that my spot is big and is causing problems on the tectal plate which is why the radiologist ordered a dedicated MRI on my head to rule out anything serious such as a tumor. I don’t know what they will do about it, but I know that the tectal plate controls your eyes and hearing. I have not yet seen a neurosurgeon and have no idea what the treatment for my three problems will be like. I have never had surgery before and I hope that brain surgery won’t be the first. I also pray that it’s not a tumor or the other two things I have which I don’t know much about the other two are anything serious. Since I can’t see the doctor has told me numerous times not to be driving which I understand why, but it sucks to be dependent on others. I hope that all of these problems will go away soon and things will be back to normal. That is all for now. I had to vent on here, I feel like I am enough burden to my family right now to vent to them at the moment so to whoever read this, I am sorry for being a huge bomber, but thanks for checking out my blog! XOXO



Juicy Couture Jacket, Gap top, Marc by Marc Jacobs bag, Steve Madden shoes, Chic nova jewelry, American Eagle denim, and collar from TJ max that pup is wearing! Enjoy! XOXO


Marc by Marc Jacobs by link here in different color:

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Steve Madden shoes found here :

Gap top link found here under cardigan:

Buy similar polka dot top here:

                            Chic Nova jewelry thanks to Chic Nova find it here: